Idk what’s going on with me lately, I think I’m just completely giving up on myself. I have honestly no hope of getting any better soon, it actually just feels like I’m only taking steps back instead of taking steps forward. I feel like I was just wasting the time of my therapist so I basically cancelled every meeting I was going to have with him these couples of weeks, and I know that when he reads his mails and sees the mail I’ve send him, he’ll call me and he’ll ask what will go on and stuff. And I’ll just say I’m doing fine. He won’t believe me but he can’t force me to come. I don’t want to waste his time anymore, I think he knows very well that I won’t get any better anymore. I just literally feel like utter shit and whatever I do, it’s not helping. The fact that I’m going back to old bad habits isn’t good as well yet it feels like a good thing, it’s like I missed it.. I have no idea where I’m going but all I know is that I don’t want to live yet another year like this. But I have no idea how to get better, I have absolutely no idea and it makes me feel absolutely worthless.